Hi. I’m Cailyn Meyer and I used to have a blog.
Well, I think I still have one. But I haven’t gone near it or fed it or walked it in weeks.
Luckily, blogs don’t eat very often. They’re like snakes, you only have to feed them a rabbit once in a while. Did you feed it a small rodent recently?
I can’t remember. Maybe? But, but the walking! I’ve left it all alone for weeks with no walks or toys.
Blogs don’t need any walking at all. In fact, they’re like snakes in that way too. You don’t walk a snake, do you?
I guess not. Not usually, anyway. Maybe for a really athletic snake. Do they make snake leashes? How else would you keep it from slithering into the street?
I think we’re getting off topic here. What made you neglect your snake- er, blog in the first place?
Well, I got really busy getting ready for this trip to the East Coast. I mean, I told Bloggy about it beforehand, it knew I was going. I just didn’t have time to feed it or play with it before I left. Time really went by fast, with the planning and then I had some designs to submit and then I had to find an outfit…
Bloggy is… your blog? You named it Bloggy?
O-kay. There’s no judgment here. Next time, look up a name generator on Google or something, though. You were saying that you shamelessly forgot about your blog while getting ready for this trip…?
I didn’t forget! I kept meaning to take care of it. I was going to do something big, like post a video tutorial or maybe a small pattern. Bloggy really likes when I do things like that. But other things kept coming up, like laundry or groceries or finding shoes to match my new dress. I had a dentist appointment too, that took up some time. And I told myself that I could take care of Bloggy remotely, from my sister’s place, but then I didn’t take my laptop with me.
That was a stupid idea. Why didn’t you take it?
Hmm. Lazy. So you ran off to the East Coast, leaving your blog alone and with no new content to keep it occupied while you were gone? Have you been thinking about another blog?
No! No, I love my blog. I just… Sometimes it’s hard, you know? Sitting down to write something and looking at that blank white screen, so judgmental… I could be doing something else, like working on a pattern or making a snack…
Trouble with commitment, I see. And when you got back from the East Coast, what then? How long have you been back?
About two weeks.
Two weeks? Goodness. You are a terrible person. Why didn’t you do something as soon as you got home?
There’s a yarn company that wants some themed designs and I thought I had a really good idea. But when I got back in town, there was an email saying they didn’t need any more gloves. So I moved on to my back-up idea, only I didn’t think it fit the theme very well, so I spent a lot of time researching the theme. But then I thought maybe my idea was too on the nose for the theme and so I tried to go in a different direction… but then the idea seemed so stupid that I couldn’t believe I was working on it or that anyone would ever like it. But I had spent so much time knitting it that I felt stupid abandoning it…
What did you do?
I worked on it for another few days, then abandoned it. It just wasn’t coming together right… no one would have made it and it was stupid. I feel guilty for not finishing it. Maybe it’s not stupid. But I can’t work on it anymore, I’ll go crazy. So I started to work on my back-up idea to my back-up but I couldn’t find the right textured stitch for that and so I had to spend two days looking through all my stitch dictionaries for an idea…
It took two days? How many do you have?
Um… I’ve lost count.
Clear case of addiction. Go on.
Anyway, I was so frustrated that this wasn’t working out either that I tried my fourth idea, but that’s trouble too and I’m so frustrated that I don’t want to look at any yarn or pick up my needles at all! I don’t even want to post pictures of the yarns and fibers I bought on my trip!! I can’t think straight; I can’t stop trying to figure out these designs but I hate them all and I want to do something else! But how can I not design something for this theme? I like this theme a lot.
Ma’am. I have to ask. Are you knitting snake porn?
Of course not!
Then I am going to prescribe you some Bothofat, which increases the flow of morals to your brain so that you won’t neglect your blog, as well as some Sinoquaki for the overwhelming signs of addictive behavior. Now, that may cause some hyper-nausea so take one tablet of Sequlink in the mornings. And take two drops of iDzi at any signs of writer’s block; it acts much faster than Bothofat in acute cases. Anything else?
So… I should take Bloggy for a walk today?
(sigh) No. It’s raining. Here, have some Renfloxdyne. It should help with the stupid.