I am Kif, The Cat. I will be writing this post, since my human has broken her brain. At the moment she is sitting in the corner gibbering something about a ruler conspiracy.
Apparently this madness started with her desire to make a jacket. If she had warm fur like me, she wouldn’t need a jacket, but that is neither here nor there. She wanted to make a jacket and she wanted to make it fast. She spent time making toys for us cats, which she called “swatches.” She dunked them in the sink and then put them in the Secret Room that we aren’t allowed in (even though I saw her let Arwen in the other day!) The next day, she would come out of the secret room muttering that the stupid knitter who designed this jacket must be the loosest knitter in the world. Then she’d make another “swatch” with larger tasty needles (I really love the purple tails on those things, they taste like chicken.)
She finally decided on some needles, even though she said the “swatch” didn’t get “row.” Then she ordered string and some needles that don’t have tails. (They came in a box that smelled really interesting.) She made another “swatch” with the tailless needles, got it wet, and hid it in the Secret Room. Then she yelled something very, very bad. Then she started making more “swatches” with the tasty needles. This time, she had to use smaller and smaller needles.
I tried to tell her that if she had given up on the idea of using the tailless needles originally and gotten the string sooner and only had to make one “swatch,” she’d be halfway done by now. But she thought I was just squeaking at her to be noisy.
This morning, she exited the Secret Room. She threw a “swatch” to the floor and huddled in the corner. I have deduced that this “swatch” was knit with the needle size suggested by the pattern and got “stitch and row” on the first try. She keeps saying that the ruler must have gotten longer, since this couldn’t be possible and how could she have had to knit seven swatches only to end up with the suggested needle size?
Hopefully this will pass and she will remember to feed me tonight. I’m sure if she can dish out cat food, then she will be able to write her own blog posts. This job is so beneath me.